This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on January 3, 2019 so links and resources may not be current.

Like most parents, I began Suzuki violin lessons with my child imagining all the fun we’d have together. I was excited to see him learn new things and make progress towards a goal. I was also looking forward to spending meaningful one-on-one time with my son while we practiced.

I knew it was going to be work, I’ve been a Suzuki teacher for over ten years, so I had some exposure with the struggles parents face when practicing with their kids.

I mistakenly imagined that I would be able to avoid some of these difficulties due to my experience as a teacher.

I was very wrong.

Practicing with your own child is tricky!

I felt so much pressure to perfect what he was doing.

I was frustrated when he wasn’t listening to me.

I was annoyed when he wouldn’t come practice when I asked.

I’d roll my eyes every time he interrupted practice to go to the bathroom.

But these reactions made our practice experience worse.

He could tell I was frustrated and he’d shut down.

It wasn’t working.

I needed to manage my own emotions so we could have effective practice sessions.

After almost a year of practicing with my son, I’ve discovered what I need to do to keep my cool during practice time with my Suzuki violin student. I still feel those feelings, and react in negative ways sometimes, but when I’m mindful, I show up better for myself and my son during our practice sessions.

• Prepare myself for the practice session. I take three minutes to answer some journal prompts I created to get myself in the best frame of mind for working with my son.

• Let go of any unrealistic expectations or comparisons. Comparing my child to other students never helps me.

• Make a plan for a fun practice. If I have something prepared I don’t have to come up with fun ideas on the spot.

• Start with connection. Children are much more responsive to our influence if they feel connected to us. Anytime you can start with smiling or laughing is a win. It doesn’t have to be violin related.  Sometimes we’ll start with a silly dance party, a pillow fight, a snuggle, whatever we need that day.

• Repeat a calming mantra during rough moments in the practice session. I have a few in my back pocket ready for such occasions. They don’t always spring to mind very first, but the more I practice them the easier it gets.

• Ignore inconsequential behaviors. Children continue behaviors that get them attention (positive or negative). If your child is exhibiting annoying or silly behavior during practice, don’t feed it. Focus on the behaviors you want to continue.

• Fake it. Do whatever you need to do to act like the parent you want to be. Just faking a smile will eventually help you feel happier.

Practicing these principles and tools have made practicing so much easier and more fun for my child and for myself.

​What do you do to keep your cool during practice? Please share in the comments!

This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 28, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

One of my favorite ways to ring in the new year is to reflect on everything I’ve accomplished in the previous. Like most, there’s so much I didn’t do that I wanted to. Disappointments, failures, mistakes. It’s easy for me to get bogged down by thinking of the goals I didn’t reach, or commitments I didn’t follow through on.

That’s not how I want to start the new year!

I want to start the year feeling energized and excited about what I accomplished in 2018, not disappointed and discouraged. So I make a list of absolutely everything I can think of that I accomplished (big and little) in 2018.

Here are some of the things on my list, so you get an idea of how obvious and small the accomplishments I’m celebrating are.

I got through months of morning sickness. Good job me.

I brought a beautiful baby girl into the world, with the help of some amazing doctors, nurses, and my husband. Yay, us!

I practiced with my son 250+ days this year. (I didn’t keep track early on in the year so I’m not sure…)

I read at least 1000 books with my kids. Maybe more. Right on, me!

I made a whole bunch of dinners for my family.

I washed thousands of dishes.

I washed and dried at least 400 loads of laundry.

I changed hundreds of diapers.

I almost potty trained a three year old.

I supported my husband while he finished a doctorate degree.

I supported my husband while he renovated our house.

I moved. Twice.

You get the idea. Listing out the seemingly small accomplishments makes me feel good about myself and the effort I’ve put forth over the past year. I encourage you to do the same!

One of my big accomplishments from 2018 is returning to blogging. I took a break for a while when I was doing some freelance writing and administrative help for an incredible life coach, Brooke Castillo.

Once my work with her came to end, I decided to pick things back up again and I’m proud of myself for jumping back in the saddle. Without further ado…

The Best Blog Posts on Plucky Violin Teacher in 2018…

2018-2019 Plucky Violin Teacher Book Club Schedule: One of my favorite things about the Plucky Violin Teacher community is the book club. It helps me stay accountable to my reading goals, and I love improving myself as a teacher and parent through reading amazing books!

Making Practice More Peaceful: I really enjoyed writing this post, it’s something I’ve been thinking about and working on constantly as I practice with my son. “This is the key to creating the learning environment Dr. Suzuki imagined for every child. An environment of love and support. Parents don’t just create that environment, we ARE the environment. Our own emotional regulation can be a soft landing for all of our children’s feelings and resulting behavior.”

The Ideal Suzuki Student: Changing our mindset about the students we teach, or the children we parent can change our experience of them. “We have the power to change our studio culture, and we don’t have to wait around for “ideal” students or parents to find us. We already have our ideal students! The children we teach offer us many opportunities to grow and learn–not only to develop better teaching techniques, but our interpersonal skills and more.”

Why I’m a Suzuki Parent: “I’m not doing this so my child can be a musical prodigy. I am doing this because I want her to have a beautiful heart and a strong mind. I am doing this for us, for our relationship, not so someone can praise me for having a talented child. It’s all about her.”

​What are your big and small accomplishments from 2018? Please share in the comments so I can celebrate with you!

This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 19, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

I’m taking a maternity leave right now, soaking up cuddles with my six week old baby (plus plenty of bonus cuddles from my three and five year olds.)

Despite the sleepless nights, there really is something magical about having a new baby in the house.

I’m forced to slow down. We’re not leaving the house much. Every few hours I’m sitting down to cuddle and feed a warm, snuggly baby.

She’s perfect.

I look down at her sweet face, with her bright eyes and chubby little cheeks with absolute wonder.

She’s perfect.

Everything about her is perfect. Even her little cry is perfection.

She’s even got some perfect little pimples.

Perfection. Just exactly the way she is right now.

Here’s the thing.

I thought these very same thoughts about my boys.

I held them in my arms and gazed in awe at their perfect, little faces.

Somehow in the hustle and bustle of mealtimes, tumbling classes, violin practice, potty training, and everything else, I forgot how perfect I thought they were.

Did this happen to you too?

But, has anything really changed? Aren’t they the same person they were five years ago? When everything they did was so darling and charming?

What’s changed now?

Only my expectations.

I expect sleepless nights with a baby, I might resent a three year old waking me in the middle of the night with a story.

I expect babies to slow me down and change my schedule, I get frustrated with my five year old’s snail pace when we leave the house.

I expect my baby to cry and whine, when we’re doing something that she doesn’t want me to. (ie. anytime someone isn’t cuddling her.) I get annoyed when my five year old son fights me about practicing.

The only thing that has changed is my thoughts.

Three year old’s get up in the night sometimes.  It’s all normal.

Five year old’s don’t move at my same pace.  It’s all normal.

Kids don’t want to practice. Totally normal.

These babies are still as perfect as they were the days they were born.

And I can choose to see that part of them everyday if I want to.

Sometimes I won’t, and that’s ok. But I can choose to feel delighted and enamored with my children anytime I want.

Even during violin practice.

If you want to see pictures and videos of my cute babies, and a real-life look at the good, the bad, and the ugly of practicing with my kids, follow me on Instagram!

​Image Credit

This blog post was originally published by McKenzie Clawson on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 12, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

There are as many styles of parenting as there are parents. The style I’ve been trying to cultivate is loving and positive, allowing lots of time for free, creative, childlike play. I’m also a Suzuki parent.

For many, the words “Suzuki parent” are nearly synonymous with the stereotype of a “Tiger mom.” They may imagine an intense, demanding mother, arms folded, as she frowns at her crying child. It doesn’t have to be that way. My daughter is starting Suzuki lessons because of my belief in the importance of childhood, positivity, and a loving environment, not despite it. I am not looking to create a serious tiny adult playing Mozart. I am looking to teach joy of music in a safe, loving, positive environment.

I wanted to share with you, why Suzuki music lessons are a great option for our family.

1.      “An unlimited amount of ability can develop when parent and child are having fun.” -Shinichi Suzuki

I love that in Suzuki lessons, the teacher trains the parent as the home teacher. A child can learn in a familiar environment, her home. The parent can use what they know about their child to shape the practice session, speaking their child’s love language in the way they know best. Suzuki lessons can strengthen, instead of break down, a parent-child relationship.

2.      Group Lessons: learning through play.

We all know that children learn the best when they are playing. The Suzuki focus on group lessons allows children to play together in a musical environment. Music making doesn’t have to be lonely!

3.      “First character, then ability.” -Shinichi Suzuki

Shinichi Suzuki believed that teaching a beautiful heart was the predecessor to teaching beautiful tone. Suzuki teachers model love and compassion and teach their students to show respect to their teachers, parents, and fellow young musicians.

4.      “We all have unlimited shortcomings. Yet one way of seeing things is to consider our lives as a time frame that allows us continually to work at changing our weaknesses into strengths. This, I must say, is an intriguing task.” -Shinichi Suzuki

Fundamental to the Suzuki philosophy is the idea that talent is taught and developed, not something present at birth.  Suzuki lessons are focused on identifying weaknesses and strengthening them. Thus, when a Suzuki child is not performing at a high level, they don’t need to be berated. They need to be taught. This focus on learning talent teaches a growth mindset I so want for my child.

I decided to start my child in Suzuki lessons now, instead of waiting until she’s older, because of her tendency towards perfectionism. It’s something that my husband and I had been noticing for a long time, and it was getting worse. She was afraid to try new things. She was afraid to do things wrong. I wanted her to learn how to fail and try again, before it became a problem at school.

After a few months of “Pre-Twinkle” activities, I heard her chatting with a repairman at our house. “I play the violin. I don’t have a real one yet. Sometimes it’s really hard, but you just have to keep trying. Did you know that you just need to keep going when you can’t do something? You have to practice. I practice all the time.”

I’m not doing this so my child can be a musical prodigy. I am doing this because I want her to have a beautiful heart and a strong mind. I am doing this for us, for our relationship, not so someone can praise me for having a talented child. It’s all about her.

​Why are you a Suzuki parent or teacher? Please share in the comments.

For more helpful violin teaching tools, download my free parent education guide “What Every Parent Needs to Know About the Suzuki Method” for you to use in your own Suzuki studio.
Image Credit

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 3, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

In a recent discussion with a group of Suzuki teachers, the question was posed, “What is a Suzuki student like?”

The crowd had lots of answers, a list of qualities and attributes, that describe “Suzuki students.”
Things like:

• Is a good listener
• Is a confident performer
• Practices with their parent
• Attends lessons regularly
• Listens to the CD
• Responds well to direction
• Has a sense of ownership of their instrument
• Attends group lessons
• Has music friends and community
• Has a longer attention span
• Appreciates beautiful music
• Started early
• Progresses quickly

My initial reaction to this discussion was dismay. And guilt. When I heard this list, I thought, “But what about my students? What about my child?” When you hear this description of what a Suzuki student ought to be, do you feel a little discouraged?

I did. My students, and my own child, don’t always exhibit all of these habits or qualities. Nor is it possible for some of these qualifications to be met, if they started after age 8 are they not Suzuki students?  What’s the cut off point?

Are the students that don’t fit the mold not really Suzuki students?

Of course they are. If you are a Suzuki teacher, all of your students, whether they know it or not, are your Suzuki students.

I think I know what those teachers were really saying.  These are the habits and qualities we are striving to develop in our students.

It’s important, even vital, to strive for these ideals. But we do ourselves and our students a disservice when we think that the ideal student comes ready-made.

If you want the children in your studio to be consistent listeners, you need to make listening a part of your teaching objectives, and reward students for getting it done. (This reinforcement doesn’t need to be tangible–merely praising children and parents for listening is a kind of reward.)

If we want our students to practice regularly and efficiently, we need to take the time to teach them (and their parents) how.

If we want parents sit quietly and take notes in the lesson, or stay off their phone, or refrain from ‘helping’ their children during the lesson, we must be brave and have those difficult conversations we might have wanted to avoid.

We have the power to change our studio culture, and we don’t have to wait around for “ideal” students or parents to find us. We already have our ideal students! The children we teach offer us many opportunities to grow and learn–not only to develop better teaching techniques, but our interpersonal skills and more.

It would be a shame to let these opportunities pass while we waste time hoping for ‘better’ students to come along.

Take responsibility for making your studio vision a reality.  We have so much more power than we sometimes think we do!

How do you intentionally build your studio culture?  Please share in the comments!

An integral part of building a Suzuki culture is providing Suzuki parent education for new (and experienced) parents in your studio.  Download your free Suzuki Parent Education PDF to share with your studios here.

Image Credit

This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on November 30, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

Practicing with our children is sometimes difficult. With all the other tasks on my to-do list, it seems like I often have no energy left to deal with delay tactics, tantrums, and other problematic practicing behaviors.

Do you ever have thoughts like these?
“Why can’t he just come to practice when I ask?”
“Why does this have to be such a fight?”
“He can’t be tired, we JUST started.”
“This is taking forever.”
And the kicker…
“I don’t have time for this.”

If I’m not careful, these thoughts automatically run through my mind during practice time with my five year old. I start to see red, my blood pressure rises, and my voice turns icy.

These thoughts inevitably lead to frustration and resentment. Once this happens, practicing goes south pretty quick.

Maybe this happens at your house too.

If I thought the reason for these feelings was my child and his behavior, then the only way to fix the problem is to change my child.

But I can’t change my child. I can only change myself.

Fortunately, our feelings come from our thoughts, and we can change those–even if our children’s behavior remains exactly the same.

The automatic thoughts will still come. They are practiced thoughts and they come easily and quickly. But we can choose to respond to unhelpful, automated thoughts with more empowering, peaceful ones.

“This is just how five year olds act during practice.”

“I can handle this.”

We set the tone for practice with our reactions to everything our children do. If I respond to my son’s practice antics and resistance with frustration or anger, I turn a small storm into a hurricane-force disaster.

In this month’s Plucky Violin Teacher book club pick, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, Dr. Laura Markham says, “Your child is fairly certain to act like a child, which means someone who is still learning, has different priorities than you do, and can’t always manage her feelings or actions. Her childish behavior is guaranteed, at times, to push your buttons.
The problem is when we begin acting like a child, too. Someone has to act like a grown-up, if we want our child to learn how! If, instead, we can stay mindful–meaning we notice our emotions, and let them pass without acting on them–we model emotional regulation, and our children learn from watching us.”

P.S. I highly recommend this book!! This is the key to creating the learning environment Dr. Suzuki imagined for every child.An environment of love and support. Parents don’t just create that environment, we ARE the environment. Our own emotional regulation can be a soft landing for all of our children’s feelings and resulting behavior.

Practicing with our children can be peaceful! It’s possible. But we have to bring the peace ourselves, regardless of what our children are doing.
​
Bring the peace to practicing with your child. Be the peace for your child. It may sound cheesy, but it’s worth the effort. For our children, and for ourselves.


Image Credit

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on August 1, 2018 so links and resources may not be current. 

Hello my friends. 

I’ve largely been absent from the blog for the last year.  I never intended to neglect the blog so long, and I’m so excited to be re-committing to writing and learning more about teaching.  If you’re interested, over the last year, I…

• began teaching Suzuki Early Childhood Education classes
• became totally overwhelmed during my husband’s last year of his doctorate degree
• started violin lessons with my (at the time) 4.5 year old
• homeschooled preschool for my two boys
• moved twice
• found out I’m pregnant!
• was horribly sick for months and months at the beginning of this pregnancy
• decided to let go of almost all of my students due to morning sickness
• took my 5 year old to his first Suzuki institute (So. Much. Fun.)
• took over managing our rental property
• bought a fixer-upper
• and more…

I’m finally feeling like myself again, after 27 weeks of morning sickness, and I decided it’s time to return to the Plucky Violin Teacher blog.  Even though I’m not teaching as many violin students, I’m practicing with my children and throwing myself into my Suzuki Early Childhood Education classes.
I’d like to invite you to join me in a journey of personal and professional development through books!  You can join the Facebook group here to discuss what we’re reading and connect with other dedicated Suzuki teachers and parents.


2018-2019 Plucky Violin Teacher Book Club Schedule:August:
The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle
This book was recommended to me by one of my Suzuki mentors, Debbie Moench, a fabulous and inspiring Suzuki violin teacher in SLC.
September:
Positive Practice: 5 Steps to Help Your Child Develop a Love of Music by Christine Goodner
Christine was kind enough to send me an advance pdf of this book, and it was just fabulous. Keeping practice positive is so difficult to do, and I need constant reminders and inspiration to make it happen with M (5 yrs old) and I. I ordered the physical copy so I could mark it up.
October:
The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle
Baby #3’s due date is in October, so I thought I’d revisit an old favorite! I’m planning on listening to the Audible version while getting everything ready for her to come.
November:
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids:How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham
The subtitle says it all. I think we all want to make practicing an opportunity for connecting with our children. Keeping our calm, no matter how our children behave, is crucial. And I need help here.
December:
Echo by Pam Munoz Ryan
I love this book. I want everyone to listen to this book. Yes, listen. The audiobook is absolutely fantastic. December is crazy and a magical escape into this music-filled novel is a must. It was a 2016 Newbery Honor Book and New York Times Bestseller. For reals though, get the audiobook so you can hear all the lovely music that goes along with the beautifully written story.
January:
How Children Succeed by Paul Tough
From the Amazon description: “Why do some children succeed while others fail? The story we usually tell about childhood and success is the one about intelligence: success comes to those who score highest on tests, from preschool admissions to SATs. But in How Children Succeed, Paul Tough argues that the qualities that matter more have to do with character: skills like perseverance, curiosity, optimism, and self-control.”
February:
To Learn with Love by William and Constance Starr
It’s embarrassing, I stole my Mom’s copy of this book years ago and it has been languishing on the shelf. It’s time to write that wrong, and February seemed like the perfect time!
March:
Helping Parents Practice by Edmund Sprunger
Another re-read for me, but it’s so good I had to put it back in the rotation!
April:
Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids by Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross
This book was highly recommended to me, and after I read it a couple years ago I made some really valuable changes to our family’s lifestyle. One of the best parenting books I’ve ever read.
May:
Teaching Genius: Dorothy DeLay and the Making of a Musician by Barbara Laurie Sand
I love a good biography, and this one did not disappoint. It’s a great read, and it really helped me solidify what kind of violin teacher I want to be.
June:
Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman PhD and Joan Declaire
I’ve read some of Gottman’s books on marriage relationships and loved them. I’m excited to dig into his work on parenting and children.
July:
The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
Which of these books are you most excited to read? Or not? Please share in the comments.

Comments

1. Renee says
   August 2, 2018 at 2:55 am
   Every year I think – OH. I love the reading list at Plucky Violin Teacher. And then promptly never read.
   This year I really will try to get these titles in! Some are books I already have lying around the house, just waiting to be read. Can’t wait to dig in.
   • Brecklyn says
     August 2, 2018 at 3:08 am
     I’m glad you’re excited about the reading list! Feel free to pick and choose whichever interest you, nobody has time to finish a book they don’t want to read, right?? I’m going to try and read ahead a bit so I don’t get behind!

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on November 2, 2017 so links and resources may not be current.

What led you to become a Suzuki parent? I bet if we sat down together, you could paint a picture for me of the beautiful dreams you had of sharing music with your child. Building your family culture around music. Helping your child prepare for adulthood by developing life skills. There are hundreds of fantastic reasons to begin the Suzuki journey with your children.

Being a Suzuki parent is amazing, right? But there are challenges too. Big ones. Stress about practicing. Fighting about practicing. Paying for lessons. Making time for practicing. Keeping your cool during practicing. Making sure listening gets done. Trying to make practicing fun. Taking useable notes during lessons. Taking care of instruments. Buying music. Attending lessons, group lessons, recitals, and more. Comparison to other parents and students. Managing your (and your child’s) expectations. Keeping your mind on practicing WHEN you’re practicing…

What on earth am I going to feed these children for dinner tonight?

Did I mention practicing? We could go on and on, right?

These challenges can take their toll on us. This is true for all, but I think especially for parents. We often let our daily pressures (sometimes called children) sometimes negatively impact our physical and emotional well-being. What’s ironic about this is that our children ultimately rely on our well-being to succeed and grow themselves.

I love this quote by Robert Brault, “As parents, we guide by our unspoken example. It is only when we’re talking to them that our kids aren’t listening.”

We are constantly showing our children how to respond to stress, frustration, and disappointment through our actions. Unfortunately, I often show my children that the way to handle difficult emotions is to yell at my children, watch too much tv, and eat too much junk.

We have to take care of our physical and emotional health, not just for us, but for our children too!
In order to show up our best for our children, during practice and throughout the rest of the day, here are three ESSENTIAL daily practices of emotionally healthy Suzuki parents.

1. Create and cultivate a support network.
I cannot emphasize how important this is. If our friends and family aren’t in the Suzuki world, they often don’t understand the commitment it really is for parents. It’s a huge commitment, and it is a LOT of work.

Reach out to other Suzuki parents in your community so you can discuss issues with other parents in the trenches. Maybe a Suzuki parent night out? Ask your teacher to put you in touch with a “mentor” parent, someone further along in the journey who can help you see the big picture when you’re bogged down in the nitty gritty of daily practice battles.

You can also find community on the internet, I highly recommend The Suzuki Method Parent Discussion Group. The parents there are so amazing and supportive of each other. It’s a lovely community, and very helpful.

2. Practice daily self-care.
Self-care is a pretty trendy thing to talk about right now, and that’s good because it is vital. I am not talking about ditching the kids and getting a massage or a pedicure. (though if you can, go for it!)
I’m talking about taking some time every day to do something for you. Something to rejuvenate your spirit so you can show up for your family as the best you can be. If you’re coming to practice time completely spent and exhausted, likelihood is, you aren’t going to be super patient or fun. That’s just how it goes.

Preparing mentally for practicing with your child may begin at the beginning of the day by waking up a little bit early to read or exercise. Or if waking up early isn’t your jam, maybe using an electronic babysitter sometime after breakfast so you can do some yoga. (No judgement from me. If I can’t do some yoga before the boys wake up, you can bet they are watching Octonauts after breakfast and chores so I can move my body and attempt to feel like a human being again.)

I like to take care of myself before beginning the practice session too. Sometimes we light a candle. I make myself some herbal tea. And we start our practice session with a big hug, “I’m excited to practice with you today.” Meditation might be a great way for you to get into the right mindset for practicing.

3. Develop a mindset of celebration! One of my favorite parts of Christine Goodner’s book, Beyond the Music Lesson, is a quote by Suzuki Early Childhood Education teacher trainer Sharon Jones,
Successful families work together happily; they find joy in the process. They love the experience and progress at a comfortable pace. They figure out how to be good cheerleaders for their children. I always have the image of the face of a parent—head up—huge smile on their face while watching their child in a group class.”

It seems like being this cheerleader parent is so much easier to do when they are small. We are rarely pushing them to walk earlier, and we exult over every tiny progression in our little babies. We delight in almost their every move.

Tapping into this sense of delight and celebration over our children’s small steps in practice is essential to navigating the difficulties of being a successful parent.

Celebration is about noticing all that there is to be proud of and grateful for about your child. I really believe that which we focus on, that is what will grow.

When we apply our focus and attention to the negative, that’s what is growing! But the opposite can be true, if we focus on what is going well we will increase our positive feelings and be that much more resilient in the face of challenging circumstances.

Like wiggly four year old boys.

​How do you stay sane as a Suzuki parent? Do you practice any of these ideas? What does it look like for you? Please share in the comments.

Comments

1. Jo Shannon says
   November 17, 2017 at 7:22 pm
   Very good suggestions!

October 10, 2017 by Brecklyn​
Starting a new student is an exciting, fun, and a little bit scary process. It’s wonderful to get to know a new student and family, and watch their joy and wonder over the beginning violin steps. Especially with young students, this time is just magical. It’s also scary! There’s a lot of pressure to get the foundation set up correctly. It’s important and difficult work.
This work is either made easier or more difficult by how and what we communicate to the parents. Positive, proactive, and clear instruction to the parent can make or break the whole process.


I’m pretty forgetful. I often suddenly remember at least one or two things I forgot to tell my students at the end of the day. In my early teaching years, I would often forget to tell prospective parents about some essential tenet of the Suzuki method, and then they were disappointed or surprised later when I asked or “reminded” them:

• To practice with their child daily
• To listen to the recording a LOT
• To attend lessons and group classes regularly
• There are no make up lessons for cancelled lessons
• To please not buy a violin shaped object off the internet
• And don’t buy one at all until after we’ve begun lessons and I tell you what size you need!!!

And I frequently forgot to have prospective students to come observe lessons before beginning, and almost never remembered to warn them about how first lessons would often be “parent” lessons.
Parents often were frustrated, confused, or even annoyed when this information was shared later on in the process. None of these things are “bad” or negative aspects about the Suzuki method. They are wonderful, sensible things to do when beginning a new student. The problem lies with the timing. If this information is given before beginning lessons, when the parent is just beginning to paint a picture of what this exciting journey will be like for them and their child, they are much more receptive. It makes sense. “Oh, this is how it works. Sounds good!”
But, if this information is shared, piecemeal, weeks, months, or worse, years on down the line, it is too different from the parent’s expectations, (or the past experiences for those who never realized they were supposed to be practicing with their six year old).
It will not be received as well as if it is given in the beginning of the process.
Ok, so a lot of information needs to be presented to parents at the start of their Suzuki journey. But how do we do that?
Over the years, I have realized that I’m probably not going to remember all this stuff when I’m on the phone with a prospective parent. I’m just not good at thinking on the fly while on the phone! I get flustered, and forget crucial information that new parents need. This means I have to have a system. A process I can use to make sure that I don’t forget anything important.
I finally decided on an email “course” where I sent an email each day highlighting one important aspect of the Suzuki method. All written ahead of time, I could just copy and paste the same text and email to each prospective student. This also saved me a ton of time on the phone. (Which is good because, as I mentioned above, I’m terrible over the phone anyway.)
Eventually, I set these emails to go out to new students automatically. Once I added a prospective parent’s email to the list, my email service automatically sends the email sequence at intervals I select. Slick as can be.
(Update: I used to use Convertkit as my email service, and was recommending that to you all. I no longer recommend Convertkit as my monthly price doubled without notice last month. I just spent probably 5 hours moving all of my email addresses and my email course back to Mailchimp. The interface is more intuitive for me, and the price is much better.)You can totally do this for yourself too! If you have trouble keeping track of everything you need to tell new Suzuki parents about, you can create your own process or system to share the information. Lots of teachers do new parent classes or seminars. Or you can create your own email course to send.
If you’d rather not spend the time, or you’re looking for ideas, you can download my e-guide, Suzuki Parent Education Email Templates and for the month of August you can use the coupon code BACK2SCHOOL to receive 25% off.

I’d love to hear about what you do or plan to do to improve your initial communications with new students and parents. Please share in the comments!

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on October 7, 2017 so links and resources may not be current.

The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sterner is an excellent book, and a quick read. I listened to it on audible last fall and loved it.

The main thesis of the book is that, “Real peace and contentment in our lives come from realizing that life is a process to engage in, a journey down a path that we can choose to experience as magical…Life itself is nothing more than one long practice session, an endless effort to refine the motions, both physical and mental, that compose our days.”

If our lives are one long practice session, as he says, then it is crucial that we all learn how to practice.(For example, in music lessons, or some other pursuit of excellence.) He defines practice as “the repetition of an activity with the purposeful awareness and intention of accomplishing an intended goal.

Suzuki teachers and parents are always talking about practicing. Teachers know it is essential to progress and confidence. Parents want to make it happen, but are often stuck in cycles of child resistance, over scheduled days, and comparisons.

I think if we take a step back we can find clarity by focusing on the value and beauty in the process of teaching our students and children to practice.

“Life is practice, in one form or another. Until then, I mistakenly associated the word practice only with art forms such as music, dance, and painting. I did not see dealing with a cranky child, an overburdened work schedule or a tight monthly budget as actions that required applying the same principles as learning music did…”

If this is true, that dealing with the difficulties of our daily adult lives requires practice, (a skill we can learn as children in Suzuki music lessons), then our goals can be much simpler, and achievable every day.

If we don’t get the whole song learned or we miss a day of practice, that’s alright. Perfection or rapid progress through the books is not our goal. The goal is to engage in practicing. To guide our children, and teach them how to work through difficulties by breaking them down in to simple, small, short, and slow increments. (There’s a WHOLE chapter about these four S’s: simplify, small, short, slow. Sound like Suzuki method, anyone?)

Much of the book discusses the trouble of being content with where we are in the process, and not getting too hung up on the goal. Impatient for the change, and wanting to rush the process of getting there. One analogy he shared, I think, is vital for parents and teachers to contemplate. “At what point is a flower perfect? Is it perfect when it is nothing more than a seed in your hand waiting to be planted? All that it will ever be is there in that moment. Is it perfect when it first starts to germinate unseen under several inches of soil? This is when it displays the first signs of the miracle we call creation. How about when it pokes its head through the surface and sees the sun for the first time? All its energies have gone into reaching for this source of life; until this point, it has had nothing more than an inner voice telling it which way to grow. What about when it begins to flower?” This goes on, but I think it is clear that when we pursue perfection, we always lose. Ideals are frozen and stagnant, but true perfection is “limitless, unbounded, and always expanding.” We can never reach it, because the goal will keep changing!

I found it helpful to put my own children in the place of that flower. “At what point is my child perfect? When my two year old is potty-trained? When they learn to read? When they sleep through the night?” Obviously, they were perfect to me at their birth. What changed? Only me, I changed the benchmark of perfection. I struggle to remember that exactly where they are is exactly what should be. They are perfect on every step of the way, because they need to pass through each difficulty ahead of them.

As Dr. Suzuki said, “Never hurry, never rest.”

I could probably talk about this book all day, but I will content myself to share some of the quotes I highlighted in my readings, the ones must applicable to Suzuki parents and teachers.

“[Children] live in the present moment, but not really by their own choice; it’s just how they are. There is a paradox here. What’s frustrating as an adult, with regard to teaching them to teaching them to stay in the present when they are engaged in something that requires perseverance, is that kids can’t see the point. Why work at something that requires a long-term commitment, a perception of time outside the present moment? All they know is their perspective as children. They have no concept of what lies ahead. They don’t see how discipline and effort can pay such great dividends over time, but we do. This paradox is both their and our strengths and weaknesses in the same moment.”

“Look at an activity such as piano lessons. Many children can’t see the point in practicing because they have no concept of being able to play well and the enjoyment that would bring to them. That is why they get impatient. Why do it? Adults, however, do possess an understanding of the point of practicing, and our impatience stems from the precisely opposite reason. We do have a concept of what it would be like to play well, and that is the very reason that we get impatient. We can’t play well enough, soon enough.”

“The answer is that this mindset influences everything. It is the blank page on which we draw our lives. It determines not only what we draw but also why we are able to draw.”

“The practicing mind is quiet. It lives in the present and has laser-like, pinpoint focus and accurate… We are where we should be at that moment, doing what we should be doing and completely aware of what we are experiencing. There is no wasted motion, physically or mentally.”

“When you focus on the process, the desired product takes care of itself with fluid ease. When you focus on the product, you immediately begin to fight yourself and experience boredom, restlessness, frustration, and impatience with the process.”

“In order to focus on the present, we must give up, at least temporarily, our attachment to the desired goal. If we don’t give up our attachment to the goal, we cannot be in the present because we are thinking about something that hasn’t occurred yet: the goal…When you shift your goal from the product you are trying to achieve to the process of achieving it, a wonderful phenomenon occurs: all pressure drops away. This happens because, when your goal is to pay attention to only what you are doing right now, as long as you are doing just that, you are reaching your goal in each and every moment.”

(I think this is essential for teachers and parents. We must focus on the present when we are working with our children. If we can focus on where we are right now, without judgment or “shoulds,” we can actually help the child in front of us.)

Here’s a good one:

“The instructor knows just what he or she wants the student to produce. The teacher observes the student’s actions, and when the student does something that is moving in the wrong direction, the instructor gently brings it to the student’s attention and pulls the student back onto the proper path. A good instructor does not get emotional in response to the student moving off the path. That kind of negative emotion comes from expectations, and that is not the perspective wee want to have if we are to be our own instructor. Expectations are tied to a result or product, to the thought that “things should be this way right now, and until then I won’t be happy.” When you experience these kinds of emotions, they are indicators that you’ve fallen out of the process, or out of the present moment.”

I will say that I have been a bad instructor. Many times. Letting go of expectations is hard work to do, but essential.

“We need to let go of the futile idea that happiness is out there somewhere, and embrace the infinite growth available to us as a treasure, not as something that we are impatient to overcome.”

Essential for new parents:

“What lies in wait to ambush our enthusiasm is our lack of preparation: We are undertaking an art that is infinite in its potential for growth, and because of that we need to prepare to let go of the goal of being “good” at it quickly. There is no goal to reach other than pursuing the activity.”
This is hard. I’m not going to be “good” at being a Suzuki parent quickly, nor will my child be “good” at playing the violin or piano or whatever quickly. There shall be no goal to reach other than the pursuing the activity.

“Progress is a natural result of staying focused on the process of doing anything. When you stay on purpose, focused in the present moment, the goal comes toward you with frictionless ease. However, when you constantly focus on the goal you are aiming for, you push it away instead of pulling it toward you.”

“Cheating discipline doesn’t work…To express a melody on any instrument as it comes from your heart is an experience you have to earn. The universe is not about to give that away for anything but your personal effort. As you work at the process of learning music, you spend time alone with yourself and the energy of music or whatever art form you pursue. It’s a very honorable relationship, really. You need music to express yourself, and music needs you to be expressed. You give your time and energy to music, and it returns the effort a thousandfold. A lot of the joy of expressing yourself musically is in your awareness of how much of your personal energy and stamina it took you to reach your current performance level.”

“Whether you are persevering at a diet, exercising regularly, running a marathon, or achieving another personal goal, if your task is completed with little or no effort, it means nothing.”

​There are probably fifty more passages I highlighted. We could go on and on. It was way too woo-woo for my husband, but just the right amount for me. (I’m a little bit woo-woo myself. I’ll admit it.)
What were your thoughts about The Practicing Mind? Or if you didn’t get a chance to read it in September, about the quotes? I’d love to hear form you in the comments.