This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on January 3, 2019 so links and resources may not be current.

Like most parents, I began Suzuki violin lessons with my child imagining all the fun we’d have together. I was excited to see him learn new things and make progress towards a goal. I was also looking forward to spending meaningful one-on-one time with my son while we practiced.

I knew it was going to be work, I’ve been a Suzuki teacher for over ten years, so I had some exposure with the struggles parents face when practicing with their kids.

I mistakenly imagined that I would be able to avoid some of these difficulties due to my experience as a teacher.

I was very wrong.

Practicing with your own child is tricky!

I felt so much pressure to perfect what he was doing.

I was frustrated when he wasn’t listening to me.

I was annoyed when he wouldn’t come practice when I asked.

I’d roll my eyes every time he interrupted practice to go to the bathroom.

But these reactions made our practice experience worse.

He could tell I was frustrated and he’d shut down.

It wasn’t working.

I needed to manage my own emotions so we could have effective practice sessions.

After almost a year of practicing with my son, I’ve discovered what I need to do to keep my cool during practice time with my Suzuki violin student. I still feel those feelings, and react in negative ways sometimes, but when I’m mindful, I show up better for myself and my son during our practice sessions.

• Prepare myself for the practice session. I take three minutes to answer some journal prompts I created to get myself in the best frame of mind for working with my son.

• Let go of any unrealistic expectations or comparisons. Comparing my child to other students never helps me.

• Make a plan for a fun practice. If I have something prepared I don’t have to come up with fun ideas on the spot.

• Start with connection. Children are much more responsive to our influence if they feel connected to us. Anytime you can start with smiling or laughing is a win. It doesn’t have to be violin related.  Sometimes we’ll start with a silly dance party, a pillow fight, a snuggle, whatever we need that day.

• Repeat a calming mantra during rough moments in the practice session. I have a few in my back pocket ready for such occasions. They don’t always spring to mind very first, but the more I practice them the easier it gets.

• Ignore inconsequential behaviors. Children continue behaviors that get them attention (positive or negative). If your child is exhibiting annoying or silly behavior during practice, don’t feed it. Focus on the behaviors you want to continue.

• Fake it. Do whatever you need to do to act like the parent you want to be. Just faking a smile will eventually help you feel happier.

Practicing these principles and tools have made practicing so much easier and more fun for my child and for myself.

​What do you do to keep your cool during practice? Please share in the comments!

This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 28, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

One of my favorite ways to ring in the new year is to reflect on everything I’ve accomplished in the previous. Like most, there’s so much I didn’t do that I wanted to. Disappointments, failures, mistakes. It’s easy for me to get bogged down by thinking of the goals I didn’t reach, or commitments I didn’t follow through on.

That’s not how I want to start the new year!

I want to start the year feeling energized and excited about what I accomplished in 2018, not disappointed and discouraged. So I make a list of absolutely everything I can think of that I accomplished (big and little) in 2018.

Here are some of the things on my list, so you get an idea of how obvious and small the accomplishments I’m celebrating are.

I got through months of morning sickness. Good job me.

I brought a beautiful baby girl into the world, with the help of some amazing doctors, nurses, and my husband. Yay, us!

I practiced with my son 250+ days this year. (I didn’t keep track early on in the year so I’m not sure…)

I read at least 1000 books with my kids. Maybe more. Right on, me!

I made a whole bunch of dinners for my family.

I washed thousands of dishes.

I washed and dried at least 400 loads of laundry.

I changed hundreds of diapers.

I almost potty trained a three year old.

I supported my husband while he finished a doctorate degree.

I supported my husband while he renovated our house.

I moved. Twice.

You get the idea. Listing out the seemingly small accomplishments makes me feel good about myself and the effort I’ve put forth over the past year. I encourage you to do the same!

One of my big accomplishments from 2018 is returning to blogging. I took a break for a while when I was doing some freelance writing and administrative help for an incredible life coach, Brooke Castillo.

Once my work with her came to end, I decided to pick things back up again and I’m proud of myself for jumping back in the saddle. Without further ado…

The Best Blog Posts on Plucky Violin Teacher in 2018…

2018-2019 Plucky Violin Teacher Book Club Schedule: One of my favorite things about the Plucky Violin Teacher community is the book club. It helps me stay accountable to my reading goals, and I love improving myself as a teacher and parent through reading amazing books!

Making Practice More Peaceful: I really enjoyed writing this post, it’s something I’ve been thinking about and working on constantly as I practice with my son. “This is the key to creating the learning environment Dr. Suzuki imagined for every child. An environment of love and support. Parents don’t just create that environment, we ARE the environment. Our own emotional regulation can be a soft landing for all of our children’s feelings and resulting behavior.”

The Ideal Suzuki Student: Changing our mindset about the students we teach, or the children we parent can change our experience of them. “We have the power to change our studio culture, and we don’t have to wait around for “ideal” students or parents to find us. We already have our ideal students! The children we teach offer us many opportunities to grow and learn–not only to develop better teaching techniques, but our interpersonal skills and more.”

Why I’m a Suzuki Parent: “I’m not doing this so my child can be a musical prodigy. I am doing this because I want her to have a beautiful heart and a strong mind. I am doing this for us, for our relationship, not so someone can praise me for having a talented child. It’s all about her.”

​What are your big and small accomplishments from 2018? Please share in the comments so I can celebrate with you!

This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 19, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

I’m taking a maternity leave right now, soaking up cuddles with my six week old baby (plus plenty of bonus cuddles from my three and five year olds.)

Despite the sleepless nights, there really is something magical about having a new baby in the house.

I’m forced to slow down. We’re not leaving the house much. Every few hours I’m sitting down to cuddle and feed a warm, snuggly baby.

She’s perfect.

I look down at her sweet face, with her bright eyes and chubby little cheeks with absolute wonder.

She’s perfect.

Everything about her is perfect. Even her little cry is perfection.

She’s even got some perfect little pimples.

Perfection. Just exactly the way she is right now.

Here’s the thing.

I thought these very same thoughts about my boys.

I held them in my arms and gazed in awe at their perfect, little faces.

Somehow in the hustle and bustle of mealtimes, tumbling classes, violin practice, potty training, and everything else, I forgot how perfect I thought they were.

Did this happen to you too?

But, has anything really changed? Aren’t they the same person they were five years ago? When everything they did was so darling and charming?

What’s changed now?

Only my expectations.

I expect sleepless nights with a baby, I might resent a three year old waking me in the middle of the night with a story.

I expect babies to slow me down and change my schedule, I get frustrated with my five year old’s snail pace when we leave the house.

I expect my baby to cry and whine, when we’re doing something that she doesn’t want me to. (ie. anytime someone isn’t cuddling her.) I get annoyed when my five year old son fights me about practicing.

The only thing that has changed is my thoughts.

Three year old’s get up in the night sometimes.  It’s all normal.

Five year old’s don’t move at my same pace.  It’s all normal.

Kids don’t want to practice. Totally normal.

These babies are still as perfect as they were the days they were born.

And I can choose to see that part of them everyday if I want to.

Sometimes I won’t, and that’s ok. But I can choose to feel delighted and enamored with my children anytime I want.

Even during violin practice.

If you want to see pictures and videos of my cute babies, and a real-life look at the good, the bad, and the ugly of practicing with my kids, follow me on Instagram!

​Image Credit

This blog post was originally published by McKenzie Clawson on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 12, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

There are as many styles of parenting as there are parents. The style I’ve been trying to cultivate is loving and positive, allowing lots of time for free, creative, childlike play. I’m also a Suzuki parent.

For many, the words “Suzuki parent” are nearly synonymous with the stereotype of a “Tiger mom.” They may imagine an intense, demanding mother, arms folded, as she frowns at her crying child. It doesn’t have to be that way. My daughter is starting Suzuki lessons because of my belief in the importance of childhood, positivity, and a loving environment, not despite it. I am not looking to create a serious tiny adult playing Mozart. I am looking to teach joy of music in a safe, loving, positive environment.

I wanted to share with you, why Suzuki music lessons are a great option for our family.

1.      “An unlimited amount of ability can develop when parent and child are having fun.” -Shinichi Suzuki

I love that in Suzuki lessons, the teacher trains the parent as the home teacher. A child can learn in a familiar environment, her home. The parent can use what they know about their child to shape the practice session, speaking their child’s love language in the way they know best. Suzuki lessons can strengthen, instead of break down, a parent-child relationship.

2.      Group Lessons: learning through play.

We all know that children learn the best when they are playing. The Suzuki focus on group lessons allows children to play together in a musical environment. Music making doesn’t have to be lonely!

3.      “First character, then ability.” -Shinichi Suzuki

Shinichi Suzuki believed that teaching a beautiful heart was the predecessor to teaching beautiful tone. Suzuki teachers model love and compassion and teach their students to show respect to their teachers, parents, and fellow young musicians.

4.      “We all have unlimited shortcomings. Yet one way of seeing things is to consider our lives as a time frame that allows us continually to work at changing our weaknesses into strengths. This, I must say, is an intriguing task.” -Shinichi Suzuki

Fundamental to the Suzuki philosophy is the idea that talent is taught and developed, not something present at birth.  Suzuki lessons are focused on identifying weaknesses and strengthening them. Thus, when a Suzuki child is not performing at a high level, they don’t need to be berated. They need to be taught. This focus on learning talent teaches a growth mindset I so want for my child.

I decided to start my child in Suzuki lessons now, instead of waiting until she’s older, because of her tendency towards perfectionism. It’s something that my husband and I had been noticing for a long time, and it was getting worse. She was afraid to try new things. She was afraid to do things wrong. I wanted her to learn how to fail and try again, before it became a problem at school.

After a few months of “Pre-Twinkle” activities, I heard her chatting with a repairman at our house. “I play the violin. I don’t have a real one yet. Sometimes it’s really hard, but you just have to keep trying. Did you know that you just need to keep going when you can’t do something? You have to practice. I practice all the time.”

I’m not doing this so my child can be a musical prodigy. I am doing this because I want her to have a beautiful heart and a strong mind. I am doing this for us, for our relationship, not so someone can praise me for having a talented child. It’s all about her.

​Why are you a Suzuki parent or teacher? Please share in the comments.

For more helpful violin teaching tools, download my free parent education guide “What Every Parent Needs to Know About the Suzuki Method” for you to use in your own Suzuki studio.
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This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 3, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

In a recent discussion with a group of Suzuki teachers, the question was posed, “What is a Suzuki student like?”

The crowd had lots of answers, a list of qualities and attributes, that describe “Suzuki students.”
Things like:

• Is a good listener
• Is a confident performer
• Practices with their parent
• Attends lessons regularly
• Listens to the CD
• Responds well to direction
• Has a sense of ownership of their instrument
• Attends group lessons
• Has music friends and community
• Has a longer attention span
• Appreciates beautiful music
• Started early
• Progresses quickly

My initial reaction to this discussion was dismay. And guilt. When I heard this list, I thought, “But what about my students? What about my child?” When you hear this description of what a Suzuki student ought to be, do you feel a little discouraged?

I did. My students, and my own child, don’t always exhibit all of these habits or qualities. Nor is it possible for some of these qualifications to be met, if they started after age 8 are they not Suzuki students?  What’s the cut off point?

Are the students that don’t fit the mold not really Suzuki students?

Of course they are. If you are a Suzuki teacher, all of your students, whether they know it or not, are your Suzuki students.

I think I know what those teachers were really saying.  These are the habits and qualities we are striving to develop in our students.

It’s important, even vital, to strive for these ideals. But we do ourselves and our students a disservice when we think that the ideal student comes ready-made.

If you want the children in your studio to be consistent listeners, you need to make listening a part of your teaching objectives, and reward students for getting it done. (This reinforcement doesn’t need to be tangible–merely praising children and parents for listening is a kind of reward.)

If we want our students to practice regularly and efficiently, we need to take the time to teach them (and their parents) how.

If we want parents sit quietly and take notes in the lesson, or stay off their phone, or refrain from ‘helping’ their children during the lesson, we must be brave and have those difficult conversations we might have wanted to avoid.

We have the power to change our studio culture, and we don’t have to wait around for “ideal” students or parents to find us. We already have our ideal students! The children we teach offer us many opportunities to grow and learn–not only to develop better teaching techniques, but our interpersonal skills and more.

It would be a shame to let these opportunities pass while we waste time hoping for ‘better’ students to come along.

Take responsibility for making your studio vision a reality.  We have so much more power than we sometimes think we do!

How do you intentionally build your studio culture?  Please share in the comments!

An integral part of building a Suzuki culture is providing Suzuki parent education for new (and experienced) parents in your studio.  Download your free Suzuki Parent Education PDF to share with your studios here.

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This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on November 30, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

Practicing with our children is sometimes difficult. With all the other tasks on my to-do list, it seems like I often have no energy left to deal with delay tactics, tantrums, and other problematic practicing behaviors.

Do you ever have thoughts like these?
“Why can’t he just come to practice when I ask?”
“Why does this have to be such a fight?”
“He can’t be tired, we JUST started.”
“This is taking forever.”
And the kicker…
“I don’t have time for this.”

If I’m not careful, these thoughts automatically run through my mind during practice time with my five year old. I start to see red, my blood pressure rises, and my voice turns icy.

These thoughts inevitably lead to frustration and resentment. Once this happens, practicing goes south pretty quick.

Maybe this happens at your house too.

If I thought the reason for these feelings was my child and his behavior, then the only way to fix the problem is to change my child.

But I can’t change my child. I can only change myself.

Fortunately, our feelings come from our thoughts, and we can change those–even if our children’s behavior remains exactly the same.

The automatic thoughts will still come. They are practiced thoughts and they come easily and quickly. But we can choose to respond to unhelpful, automated thoughts with more empowering, peaceful ones.

“This is just how five year olds act during practice.”

“I can handle this.”

We set the tone for practice with our reactions to everything our children do. If I respond to my son’s practice antics and resistance with frustration or anger, I turn a small storm into a hurricane-force disaster.

In this month’s Plucky Violin Teacher book club pick, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, Dr. Laura Markham says, “Your child is fairly certain to act like a child, which means someone who is still learning, has different priorities than you do, and can’t always manage her feelings or actions. Her childish behavior is guaranteed, at times, to push your buttons.
The problem is when we begin acting like a child, too. Someone has to act like a grown-up, if we want our child to learn how! If, instead, we can stay mindful–meaning we notice our emotions, and let them pass without acting on them–we model emotional regulation, and our children learn from watching us.”

P.S. I highly recommend this book!! This is the key to creating the learning environment Dr. Suzuki imagined for every child.An environment of love and support. Parents don’t just create that environment, we ARE the environment. Our own emotional regulation can be a soft landing for all of our children’s feelings and resulting behavior.

Practicing with our children can be peaceful! It’s possible. But we have to bring the peace ourselves, regardless of what our children are doing.
​
Bring the peace to practicing with your child. Be the peace for your child. It may sound cheesy, but it’s worth the effort. For our children, and for ourselves.


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