This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on February 22, 2019, so links and resources may not be current. 

Practicing with my son has taken a turn for the worse lately. There’s been more frustration and sharp words from me. There’s been more stalling and whining from him.

Tough times.

I’ve let my general level of stress and my unrealistic expectations change the way I interact with my kids.

And I want to stop.

Often we know we need to change, and we just need to remember the how and why.
I, myself, need to be constantly reminded.

I want to use practice as a time of connection with my son, so I need to have a few techniques and tools handy for those practices that aren’t going well.

Our toolbag is constantly changing, but here’s what is working for us right now.

Jokes. Someone suggested looking up jokes for kids on the internet and reading them in between practice activities in the MTISTEX Facebook group and it has been great for us. Baby #1 (5yo) loves jokes, and has gotten a huge kick out of reading and memorizing lots of new jokes. Reading jokes during practice brings smiling and laughter to our practice sessions which I think is invaluable. Silly memes might be a good option for an older child.

The Decide Now app. We’ve added all of our practice activities here, and my son loves it because it means I’m not deciding the next activity. Our teacher introduced us to this app, and sometimes we do something similar with dice. (Also inspired by our teacher.)

Short practices throughout the day. My temperament is such that I want to get practiced finished and then be DONE, so this was difficult for me to implement. But it’s made a huge difference. I read somewhere that children have only their age plus one in minutes of good focus, so for my five year old: 5+1=6 minutes of good focus time. I decided to try practicing for six minutes six to eight times throughout the day. It’s hard for me, but he is so much happier practicing six minutes and then leaving it for a while to do other things. It’s easier to get him to come practice because he knows he won’t have to be focusing for 30-45 minutes at once. We can’t do this every day, depending on our schedule, but for days we’re home it works really well. (We have a lot of flexibility because we homeschool and I work from home.)

Switching places. I or my husband play the student and my son plays the teacher/parent. This works especially well if you don’t play their instrument. Children love to teach what they’re learning. It also gives you an opportunity to increase their awareness of what the instrument should sound like or how it should look.

Do something ridiculous. Have them lay on the floor while they play (depending on the instrument). Be creative, how can you change the emotional trajectory of this practice? Cry every time their bow hits an extra string.  Be ridiculous.  

Let them experiment. Give them two minutes to try whatever they want on the instrument.

Pull out a favorite game or book and take turns after each activity or read a portion after each activity. You know your child, what would they love to do?

Do a practice tour. Play each practice activity in a different place in the house. Maybe even standing on the kitchen table or bed.

The main point that I have to remember is that I am in charge of the overall tone of our practice. No matter what my son says or does, if I remain calm and try to bring love and laughter into the practice session then things won’t deteriorate much. If I jump in the pool of whining and frustration, well, that’s when things really get bad.

How do you rescue a bad practice session or lesson with a child? Please share in the comments.

This post was originally published by McKenzie Clawson on February 15, 2019, so links and resources may not be current.

After moving recently, I have had the pleasure of starting a studio from scratch for the third (and hopefully last) time. In the past, I have always had mostly transfer students. But this time, 90% of my students are brand new to the violin. It has been so much fun to set up all these students, but it has also provided some interesting challenges. I was not quite sure what to do in group lessons, when most of my students are mostly working on arm washes and good posture. What can we do if we can’t play music? Over the last few weeks, I’ve realized there are a few essentials to any group music class, regardless of ability level.

Move

Before our first group lesson, I felt the pressure to make it a good one. I wanted all my students to be excited about group lessons, so they would never want to skip because it’s “just” group class. The lesson plan I created incorporated lots of moving- jumping, marching, running from one side of the room to the other. By the end, we were all sweaty and smiling. Moving improves moods every time. My plan is to make sure to end every group class with movement, so no matter how challenging group class was, everyone can end the class in a good mood.

Listening Skills

Group class is a great time to teach students how to listen to music. I turn on a great piece of music, and we talk or move to the music. In one class, we listened to a Bach Brandenburg concerto and jumped to our feet every time the violins started playing and sat down every time they stopped. In another class, we stomped to “The Montagues and the Capulets” by Prokofiev, squatting when the music was low, on tiptoes when the music got higher. We listened to “Salut d’amour” by Edward Elgar and counted to four over and over. I encourage them to do similar activities when they listen at home.

Internal Pulse

Every group class, even more advanced ones, needs some time working on their internal pulse. We may clap a steady beat while singing a rhythm, pass a ball with a metronome playing, or count while listening to a recording. Creating a strong underlying pulse will allow them to play together well when we are finally using instruments in class.

Group Skills

When we start performing together, they will need to know how to listen to a sniff to know the tempo, character, and when to start. We have started practicing this as we clap or arm wash Twinkle rhythms. Everyone who wants to gets a chance to be the leader and sniff. This simple activity seems to really catch their attention, and they’re paying attention to each other. Get to know you activities are also valuable as we build trust and friendship in group class.

​How about you? What are your essential activities for beginner group classes? How do you help your students develop a love for group class?

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher Blog on February 5, 2019, so links and resources may not be current.

I really enjoyed reading How Children Succeed by Paul Tough. I had my highlighter and marked up the whole book. There were so many interesting ideas and I was struck by the connections I found to the Suzuki philosophy and writings of Dr. Suzuki.

“What matters most in a child’s development, they say, is not how much information we can stuff into her brain in the first few years. What matters, instead, is whether we are able to help her develop a very different set of qualities, a list that includes persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit, and self-confidence. Economists refer to these as noncognitive skills, psychologists call them personality traits, and the rest of us sometimes think of them as character.”

The above quote from the introduction of How Children Succeed, for example, immediately brought to my mind this quote by Dr. Suzuki.

“Teaching music is not my main purpose. I want to make good citizens. If children hear fine music from the day of their birth and learn to play it, they develop sensitivity, discipline and endurance. They get a beautiful heart.”

One Suzuki principle which I saw in the book is the importance of a child’s environment.

In How Children Succeed, which I will hereafter refer to as HCS, it says,

“Children who grow up in stressful environments generally find it harder to concentrate, harder to sit still, harder to rebound from disappointments, and harder to follow directions. And that has a direct effect on their performance in school.”

Compare to this quote by Dr. Suzuki,

“A child’s slowness in any subject indicates a deficiency in his environment, educational or otherwise.”

In How Children Succeed, it says,

“The prefrontal cortex is more responsive to intervention than other parts of the brain, and it stays flexible well into adolescence and early adulthood.”

Every child can learn, and ability develops early because young brains are so ready and able to learn.

I was particularly interested in the section about the research on parenting and stress.

“It turns out that there is a particularly effective antidote to the ill effects of early stress, and it comes not from pharmaceutical companies or early-childhood educators but from parents. Parents and other caregivers who are able to form close, nurturing relationships with their children can foster resilience in them that protects them from many of the worst effects of a harsh early environment. This message can sound a bit warm and fuzzy, but it is rooted in cold, hard science. The effect of good parenting is not just emotional or psychological, the neuroscientists say; it is biochemical.” (HCS, 28)

Dr. Suzuki strongly believed it was the job of the parent to cultivate the child’s ability and character, and now it looks like science supports those claims.

I thought this was one of the most encouraging quotes from the How Children Succeed:

“…One of the most promising facts about programs that target emotional and psychological and neurological pathways is that they can be quite effective later on in childhood too-much more so than cognitive interventions. Pure IQ is stubbornly resistant to improvement after about age eight. But executive functions and the ability to handle stress and manage strong emotions can be improved, sometimes dramatically, well into adolescence and even adulthood.”

​What were your main takeaways from How Children Succeed? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on January 31, 2019, so links and resources may not be current.
 
I don’t know about you, but it seems like I say the same things over and over and over with my child in practice, and with my students in lesson.

For example:

“Watch your bow.”

“Eyes on your bow.”

“Watch your bow.”

“Bow on the highway.”

“Watch your bow!”

“Would you pease, please, please watch your bow?”

“For the love of all that is good, watch your bow!!!!!!!!!”

Ok, ok, I really try not to let it get that far, but I think it sometimes!

Sometimes it seems like my children are deaf to the sound of my voice. Partially because of their ages and attention spans, but mostly because they’ve been desensitized.

I have desensitized them to the sound of my voice by constantly repeating myself.

Whoops.

Here are the ways I am re-training my children, and my students, to listen to me more carefully so that I don’t have to repeat myself quite so much.

(Some repetition is necessary and good. Of course.)

1. Make sure they’re actually listen when you say it the first time.  Did they even hear you? This is often the issue with my five year old.
“Listen carefully, …”

2. Ask them to repeat the instruction. Verify that they understood your direction.

3. Develop a secret code. This can be verbal, or silent.  A light tap on the wrist, a hand signal, a silly noise, whatever works.

4. Reward prompt compliance. (Not necessarily a physical reward, a high five or a “WOW! Awesome listening!” is often enough reward to reinforce a behavior.)

5. Ask lots of questions to engage their thinking brain.  It is much better for their retention when the child can come up with solutions himself. (Adult: How do you think you could make your tone even better? Child: Stay on the highway… Adult: How do we do that?  Child: Watch the bow.)

There is nothing more frustrating for parents, teachers, or children than a constant drone of critical comments during practice. Constructive criticism is never received well by some students, especially when given by the parent. The more we encourage our children to remind themselves of technical points the more invested they will be in their own musical progress and development.

After all, our goals in practice should be laying a foundation for independent practice later on, and most important, protecting, preserving, and nurturing your relationship with your child.

​How do you ride the line of helping your child improve in their technique without driving them nuts? Please share your ideas in the comments.

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on January 24, 2019, so links and resources may not be current.

A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to observe a Masterclass with one of my favorite Suzuki teachers, Deborah Moench. I’ve learned so much from her about quality teaching, and she has had a profound influence on my my own teaching.

In the masterclass, Mrs. Moench worked with three students: a twinkler, and two book four students (Seitz concerto and Vivaldi A minor first movement.)

Here are a few of the principles I took away from observing this masterclass.

Be childlike.

One of the most wonderful feelings is a childlike sense of wonder. The world is an interesting and beautiful place. Mrs. Moench masterfully shares her sense of wonder with her students (and in a masterclass setting, the audience) by pointing out the things she finds wonderful. With the twinkle student, she talked about hearing sparkles in his violin. When you play with beautiful tone, it’s easier to hear the sparkles. With the student playing Seitz she shared how the lovely melody at measures runs through her mind, and makes her feel like dancing a waltz—and then they danced a waltz together. For the Vivaldi A minor student, she brought pictures of church and school where Vivaldi worked. She likened the opening theme to jumping on a trampoline and had the whole room jumping along in time. This eventually led to a beautiful, and technical exercise in whole bows with beautiful sound.

Be calm.

Mrs. Moench speaks quietly and slowly. There is no hurry.  In my attempts to be fun, or exciting, I often err on the side of silly—I talk too fast and start to feel a little frantic. Watching Mrs. Moench reminded me that I don’t need to be fun or artificially make fun. Playing the violin is fun. I can be engaging without acting ridiculous. I imagine her calm, collected confidence would inspire similar feelings of calm in her students and their parents.

Be curious.

Mrs. Moench frequently began statements with “I wonder…” or “I’m interested in…” she asked the students questions. When giving suggestions for improvement she sometimes said, “You could…” implying that in music, many different interpretations are appropriate and valued.

​Watching master teachers is such an important part of being a thriving Suzuki teacher. I learn so much and always feel so inspired and empowered to improve afterwards. If you were at the Debbie Moench masterclass at the Gifted Music School, I’d love to hear your takeaways from the experience. If you weren’t, who inspires you to be a better Suzuki teacher? And why? Please share in the comments.

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on January 15, 2019, so links and resources may not be current.

I was disappointed this morning.

My son had his first lesson after the holiday break.

We worked hard all through the holidays. We even practiced for fifteen days straight through Christmas Eve and New Year’s.

I thought he’d made great progress.

I was excited for his teacher to see how much we’d gotten done.

It didn’t go down the way I had hoped.

It wasn’t a super productive lesson.

He was goofy and silly, as five year olds often are, and they didn’t get through much in the lesson because of it.

I was bummed.

I was disappointed.

I was frustrated.

I was embarrassed.

To my credit, I didn’t act out those feelings on my son by lecturing, yelling, etc.

I calmly talked to him about what hadn’t worked in the lesson and what behaviors weren’t acceptable and why.

He understood, I think.

And I’ll follow through this week and help him practice good lesson etiquette.

But it’s ok that I felt disappointed.

I didn’t beat myself up over it.

I treated myself with empathy and compassion.

I told myself,

“That’s how five year olds act sometimes.”

“It doesn’t mean anything about you.”

“It doesn’t mean you’re a bad Suzuki parent or teacher.”

All it means is that we need to practice good lesson behavior more.

No big deal.

We can totally do that.

Whatever struggles you’re facing in your Suzuki journey, as a teacher or parent, it’s ok that it isn’t sunshine and rainbows all the time.

That’s not how life is.

And that’s how it’s supposed to be.

It’s ok to just be frustrated and disappointed sometimes. Those emotions are part of a healthy human life. They’re part of the deal. If you’re never disappointed that means you never had hopes or high expectations. And that would just be sad.

If you’re having a rough time, give yourself some love.

Tell yourself, “It’s ok. Nothing has gone wrong. This is as it should be.”

Sit in your disappointment. Or sadness. Or fear.

​It passes. And it’s not so bad.

This post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on January 9, 2019, so links and resources may not be current.

Practicing a musical instrument with your child is difficult on its own. There is a lot to remember–assignments from your teacher, technical points, and more.

You have to manage your time.

You have to summon all your energy and creativity to make it fun and engaging for your child.

You have to keep any other children around from sabotaging the whole thing.

There’s a lot involved in pulling off a successful practice session with your Suzuki kid.

One helpful tool that I’m using to survive practicing with my child are mantras.

A mantra is, according to google, a sacred utterance, or a syllable, word, phonemes, or group of words believed by some to have psychological and spiritual power. 

I don’t know about you, but practicing violin with a five year old requires every bit of psychological and spiritual power I can muster.

When hard times hit our practice sessions, I try to repeat my mantra in my mind and hopefully avoid a nuclear meltdown.

This mantra is my favorite, and I’m sharing it with you because I want every Suzuki mom or dad to feel confident, and enjoy their Suzuki journey with their child as much as is possible.

“I’m not supposed to make my kids happy.”

I learned this from Jody Moore, a life coach I’ve been working with and learning from over the past three years.

This thought has removed so much anxiety around practicing (and parenting) for me.

Our children are separate and complete persons. Not only is it not our job to make them happy all the time, it’s not even possible! They have their own thoughts, expectations, and feelings, and they get to choose whether to be happy or not.

Sometimes they don’t want to be happy!

As a parent, I want my children to always be happy. Their discomfort and unhappiness can cause a visceral reaction in me. I try to talk them out of their feelings.

I see many parents leaving music lessons altogether because they think that their child’s reluctance to practice somehow means that they’re doing something wrong.

On the contrary, you are providing your child with opportunities to learn how to deal with negative emotion.

Just because much of their musical experience is uncomfortable doesn’t mean you need to fix it for them.

In fact, we do our children no favors when we remove all the discomfort from their lives.

It’s not our job to make them happy.

It’s our job to love them and give them opportunities to learn.

When they’re sad or upset, it’s not a sign we’re doing something wrong. And we don’t need to fix it.

They’re just human beings living in the world, and they will (and should) experience negative emotions at times.

Everything is as it should be.

If your child fights practice sometimes (or all the time), congratulations you have a normal kid.

If your child hates receiving correction from you, congratulations, you’re in the same boat as most Suzuki parents.

It’s all good. No need to fret, or try to frantically change things up.

It’s not your job to make them happy.

And that’s as it should be.

​So take it easy, and try to enjoy the ride.


Reader InteractionsComments

1. Mary Ritt says
   January 26, 2019 at 7:33 pm
   I chose to encourage
   I chose to empower
   I chose to be enthusiastic
   I chose happiness
   • Brecklyn says
     January 26, 2019 at 10:41 pm
     I love these mantras, Mary!

This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on January 3, 2019 so links and resources may not be current.

Like most parents, I began Suzuki violin lessons with my child imagining all the fun we’d have together. I was excited to see him learn new things and make progress towards a goal. I was also looking forward to spending meaningful one-on-one time with my son while we practiced.

I knew it was going to be work, I’ve been a Suzuki teacher for over ten years, so I had some exposure with the struggles parents face when practicing with their kids.

I mistakenly imagined that I would be able to avoid some of these difficulties due to my experience as a teacher.

I was very wrong.

Practicing with your own child is tricky!

I felt so much pressure to perfect what he was doing.

I was frustrated when he wasn’t listening to me.

I was annoyed when he wouldn’t come practice when I asked.

I’d roll my eyes every time he interrupted practice to go to the bathroom.

But these reactions made our practice experience worse.

He could tell I was frustrated and he’d shut down.

It wasn’t working.

I needed to manage my own emotions so we could have effective practice sessions.

After almost a year of practicing with my son, I’ve discovered what I need to do to keep my cool during practice time with my Suzuki violin student. I still feel those feelings, and react in negative ways sometimes, but when I’m mindful, I show up better for myself and my son during our practice sessions.

• Prepare myself for the practice session. I take three minutes to answer some journal prompts I created to get myself in the best frame of mind for working with my son.

• Let go of any unrealistic expectations or comparisons. Comparing my child to other students never helps me.

• Make a plan for a fun practice. If I have something prepared I don’t have to come up with fun ideas on the spot.

• Start with connection. Children are much more responsive to our influence if they feel connected to us. Anytime you can start with smiling or laughing is a win. It doesn’t have to be violin related.  Sometimes we’ll start with a silly dance party, a pillow fight, a snuggle, whatever we need that day.

• Repeat a calming mantra during rough moments in the practice session. I have a few in my back pocket ready for such occasions. They don’t always spring to mind very first, but the more I practice them the easier it gets.

• Ignore inconsequential behaviors. Children continue behaviors that get them attention (positive or negative). If your child is exhibiting annoying or silly behavior during practice, don’t feed it. Focus on the behaviors you want to continue.

• Fake it. Do whatever you need to do to act like the parent you want to be. Just faking a smile will eventually help you feel happier.

Practicing these principles and tools have made practicing so much easier and more fun for my child and for myself.

​What do you do to keep your cool during practice? Please share in the comments!

This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 28, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

One of my favorite ways to ring in the new year is to reflect on everything I’ve accomplished in the previous. Like most, there’s so much I didn’t do that I wanted to. Disappointments, failures, mistakes. It’s easy for me to get bogged down by thinking of the goals I didn’t reach, or commitments I didn’t follow through on.

That’s not how I want to start the new year!

I want to start the year feeling energized and excited about what I accomplished in 2018, not disappointed and discouraged. So I make a list of absolutely everything I can think of that I accomplished (big and little) in 2018.

Here are some of the things on my list, so you get an idea of how obvious and small the accomplishments I’m celebrating are.

I got through months of morning sickness. Good job me.

I brought a beautiful baby girl into the world, with the help of some amazing doctors, nurses, and my husband. Yay, us!

I practiced with my son 250+ days this year. (I didn’t keep track early on in the year so I’m not sure…)

I read at least 1000 books with my kids. Maybe more. Right on, me!

I made a whole bunch of dinners for my family.

I washed thousands of dishes.

I washed and dried at least 400 loads of laundry.

I changed hundreds of diapers.

I almost potty trained a three year old.

I supported my husband while he finished a doctorate degree.

I supported my husband while he renovated our house.

I moved. Twice.

You get the idea. Listing out the seemingly small accomplishments makes me feel good about myself and the effort I’ve put forth over the past year. I encourage you to do the same!

One of my big accomplishments from 2018 is returning to blogging. I took a break for a while when I was doing some freelance writing and administrative help for an incredible life coach, Brooke Castillo.

Once my work with her came to end, I decided to pick things back up again and I’m proud of myself for jumping back in the saddle. Without further ado…

The Best Blog Posts on Plucky Violin Teacher in 2018…

2018-2019 Plucky Violin Teacher Book Club Schedule: One of my favorite things about the Plucky Violin Teacher community is the book club. It helps me stay accountable to my reading goals, and I love improving myself as a teacher and parent through reading amazing books!

Making Practice More Peaceful: I really enjoyed writing this post, it’s something I’ve been thinking about and working on constantly as I practice with my son. “This is the key to creating the learning environment Dr. Suzuki imagined for every child. An environment of love and support. Parents don’t just create that environment, we ARE the environment. Our own emotional regulation can be a soft landing for all of our children’s feelings and resulting behavior.”

The Ideal Suzuki Student: Changing our mindset about the students we teach, or the children we parent can change our experience of them. “We have the power to change our studio culture, and we don’t have to wait around for “ideal” students or parents to find us. We already have our ideal students! The children we teach offer us many opportunities to grow and learn–not only to develop better teaching techniques, but our interpersonal skills and more.”

Why I’m a Suzuki Parent: “I’m not doing this so my child can be a musical prodigy. I am doing this because I want her to have a beautiful heart and a strong mind. I am doing this for us, for our relationship, not so someone can praise me for having a talented child. It’s all about her.”

​What are your big and small accomplishments from 2018? Please share in the comments so I can celebrate with you!

This blog post was originally published on the Plucky Violin Teacher blog on December 19, 2018 so links and resources may not be current.

I’m taking a maternity leave right now, soaking up cuddles with my six week old baby (plus plenty of bonus cuddles from my three and five year olds.)

Despite the sleepless nights, there really is something magical about having a new baby in the house.

I’m forced to slow down. We’re not leaving the house much. Every few hours I’m sitting down to cuddle and feed a warm, snuggly baby.

She’s perfect.

I look down at her sweet face, with her bright eyes and chubby little cheeks with absolute wonder.

She’s perfect.

Everything about her is perfect. Even her little cry is perfection.

She’s even got some perfect little pimples.

Perfection. Just exactly the way she is right now.

Here’s the thing.

I thought these very same thoughts about my boys.

I held them in my arms and gazed in awe at their perfect, little faces.

Somehow in the hustle and bustle of mealtimes, tumbling classes, violin practice, potty training, and everything else, I forgot how perfect I thought they were.

Did this happen to you too?

But, has anything really changed? Aren’t they the same person they were five years ago? When everything they did was so darling and charming?

What’s changed now?

Only my expectations.

I expect sleepless nights with a baby, I might resent a three year old waking me in the middle of the night with a story.

I expect babies to slow me down and change my schedule, I get frustrated with my five year old’s snail pace when we leave the house.

I expect my baby to cry and whine, when we’re doing something that she doesn’t want me to. (ie. anytime someone isn’t cuddling her.) I get annoyed when my five year old son fights me about practicing.

The only thing that has changed is my thoughts.

Three year old’s get up in the night sometimes.  It’s all normal.

Five year old’s don’t move at my same pace.  It’s all normal.

Kids don’t want to practice. Totally normal.

These babies are still as perfect as they were the days they were born.

And I can choose to see that part of them everyday if I want to.

Sometimes I won’t, and that’s ok. But I can choose to feel delighted and enamored with my children anytime I want.

Even during violin practice.

If you want to see pictures and videos of my cute babies, and a real-life look at the good, the bad, and the ugly of practicing with my kids, follow me on Instagram!

​Image Credit